A huge collection of the best "About me" funny status updates. One-liners to use as your Facebook Status, for funny Tweets, and to describe yourself on your profile page.
A great, fun collection of cute and hilarious quotes and phrases to tell your online friends something amusing about yourself!
'About Me' Status Updates:
- I am living large and taking charge ;)
- I get ignored so much that my nickname should be Terms And Conditions.
- Love me, hate me - either way you're thinking of me!
- If time is money I am running out of time.
- I'd rather eat chocloate than worry about if I have a thigh gap!
- WARNING: I have an attitude and I know how to use it!
- I'm so HOT - I make fire!
- My daily routine: Get up. Be awesome. Go back to bed.
- I can count the amount of boyfriends I've had on one hand. If I use a calculator.
- When I get lonely I set my phone's alarm to go off every 15 minutes and imagine people are texting me.
- Perhaps I could be of assistance? After all, I happen to be awesome.
- I have a disease called AWESOME. Kiss me I'm contagious!
- I have an eating disorder. I'm about to eat dis order of pizza, dis order of fries and dis order of nuggets.
- I meant to behave, but there were so many other options.
- I wish Facebook would notify me when someone delete's me. That way I could 'Like' it.
- Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.
- I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!
- I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and and 90% how I react to it.
- My life motto is simple: Follow your dreams...
- I can resist everything except temptation!
- I'm not a cougar, I'm a jaguar!
- I'm not immature...I just know how to have fun!
- I respect those who respect me and forget those who forget me. Simple as that.
- I am old enough to know better - but young enough to still do it anyway!
- Everyone I know is either getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more AWESOME!
- I don't look back - Unless there's a good view!
- I drink coffee... For your protection.
- I'm slow to trust, but quick to love. I wish too hard and I give too much. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I promise I'm worth it!
- I believe what we do flows from who we are.
- I am athletic. I surf the net.
- I don't pretend to be someone I'm not... But if you'd like to see me as someone who is gorgeous, rich and famous that's fine with me.
- I'm not unlucky in love - I'm just extremely good at being single!
- I'm not shy; I'm just holding back my AWESOMENESS so I don't intimidate you.
- Strangers think I'm quiet. Friends think I'm outgoing. My best friend thinks I'm insane.
- Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I really need it.
- I am who I am and your approval isn't needed!
- Admit it. Life would be so boring without me!
- I forgot to go to the gym yesterday. That's 10 years in a row!
- This is me! What you see is what you get.
- I am the yummy pie!
- I'm not lazy - I just run on energy saving mode!
- I'm not afraid of failing... Which is why I do it all the time!
- If I had to describe my personality - I'd say good looking.
- Normal people worry me!
- I'm not lazy. Someone just stole my motivation.
- I'm only single because I'm too awesome for everyone right now.
- I'm naturally funny because my life is like a joke.
- I'm not overweight. God just loved my body so much he made more of me!
- If I say "The other day" it can mean any time up to a year ago.
- You talk it. I LIVE it.
- I do what I must, and my friends will adjust!
- I am here for your entertainment!
- I am still waiting for blessings which aren't in disguise.
- I cover my mouth when I cough, so people don't catch my awesomeness.
- Yeah I'm F.I.N.E. (F)alling apart, (I)nsecure, (N)eeding help, (E)verything's wrong.
- I am the one your mother warned you about.
- I'm painting a blue square in my backyard so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
- I live for the moments you can't put into words.
- It's all about ***ME*** deal with it!
- Normal rules don't apply to me (Because I have big breasts).
- I don't care what you think about me. I NEVER THINK ABOUT YOU.
- Me & you... We could make the world jealous.
- Life is too short. So why don't you love me before we run out of time!
- I taste so delicious you'll want the recipe!
- Dip me in chocolate and call me dessert!
- Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.
- I am more - Without you.
- What can i say? I'm just different.
- I tried being normal once. Worst 5 minutes of my life.
- I always keep my standards and my heels high.
- I haven't met Mr Right yet. But I have met Mr Fake, Mr Player & Mr Loser. My middle finger loves them all!
- Heard you're a player. Nice to meet you. I'm the coach.
- I'm in love with my dreams, married to success and having an affair with life ;)
- Even though I'm a clean person, sometimes I enjoy a messy lifestyle!
- I'll start letting my guard down when people stop giving me reasons to keep it up.
- I'm shy. Most people don't take the time to explore the real me. So I'd like to thank everyone who has. Everyone who didn't, missed out.
- Why yes, I do frequently burst out in song!
- Story of my life: Searching for the right, but it's always avoiding me.
- I talk to my pet as if it actually understands what I'm saying.
- I've learned so much from making mistakes; I think I'll make some more!
- Stressing and obsessing just ain't my style. All I want is someone to make me smile!
- Don't hate me until I give you a reason to. Don't judge me until you know the whole story...
- Glance at me, laugh at me, talk to me... BE WITH ME!
- You - Can't - Be - Me.
- Love, love, love ME!
- Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love.
- Love me or hate me - I promise it won't break me!
- Nothing about me is original... I am the combined effort of everyone I've known...
- I am the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow ;)
- I love what I did BEFORE the Internet!
- Me, perfect? NO!!!
- Giving up is always an option, but it's never MY CHOICE.
- I can't help but notice that 'AWESOME' ends in 'ME'.
- When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted of excitement.
- I feel pretty and witty and bright, and I pity anyone who isn't me tonight :P
- In my opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you exactly as you are.
- I don't chase them - I REPLACE them!
- I am too hot to handle and too cold to hold.
- There's plenty of fish in the sea, but until I catch one, I'm here just holding my rod.
- Some call it STALKING. I call it LOVE.
- I am the chocolate you've been craving for!
- It's my life - Remember that when you're talking about it!
- If you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best!
- I take responsibility for what I say, but I am not responsible for what you do not understand.
- People like you are the reason people like me need medication!
- Feisty, stubborn, sarcastic, outspoken, very very blunt - Hmmm, are these my good points or bad? Who knows! Who cares! It's still gonna be me!
- Don't try to fix me - I'M NOT BROKEN!
- You make me smile without even trying!
- I'm a good girl (With a lot of bad habits!)
- Get to know me, get to love me!
- I'm NOT weird... I'm just cooler than you.
- Some people are afraid of heights, not me! I'm afraid of widths.
- Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.
- Someone is thinking about you... OK - It's me!
- Sometimes I talk to myself. But only when I really need expert advice.
- Screw the bad boy with the tattoo's and an attitude - I'll take Prince Charming, thank you very much!
- I'm happy. I love my life. I have everything and everyone I need.
- I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner!
- If you feel like you're not on the same page as me, maybe it's time to change the story.
- Think I'm tripping? TIE MY SHOES!
- Can't stand me? SIT BACK DOWN!
- Got a problem with me? SOLVE IT!
- I'm not random - You just can't think as fast as me!
- GET. LIKE. ME.
- You'll always be my friend - You know too much!
- I have drama and I have memories. That's life. Live it. Love it. Learn from it..
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